Aug 27, 2007
Great police one-liners
* "You know, stop lights don’t come any redder that the one you just went through."
* "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while."
* "If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
* "If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired."
* "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you."
* "You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
* "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?"
* "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket."
* "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
* "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
* "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
* "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
* "How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?"
* "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
* "I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
* "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here!
* "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while."
* "If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
* "If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired."
* "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you."
* "You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
* "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?"
* "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket."
* "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
* "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
* "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
* "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
* "How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?"
* "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
* "I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
* "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here!
