APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert, which children will trade for cupcakes.

BATHROOM: A room used by the whole family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom’s reason to make kids do things that can’t be explained logically.

CARPET: Expencive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated bt children who love leftover vegetables.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

DRINKING GLASS: An carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

EAT: What kids do between meals but not during them.

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FOOD: The response mom usually giveswhen asked, "What’s for dinner tonight?"

GARBAGE: Refuse items that mom winds up taking out herself.

GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

HAMPER: A container, usually with a lid, surrounded by but not containing dirty clothes.

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, ect.

INSIDE: That place that immediately looks attractive once mom has cleaned every room in the house.

JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at a friends’ home for the night.

JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.

KETCHUP: Goop kids use to drown a dinner that mom spent years perfecting to get the seasonings just right.

KISS: Medicine by mom

LEMONADE STAND: Business venture in which mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers, and ice for kids who sits there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

LOVE: Overwhelming feeling on the occasion when kids do something nice for mom.

MAYBE: No

"MOMMMMY!": The cry of a child on another floor of the house who wants something.

OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after the kids’ bath time.

PANIC: What a mother does when the wind-up string stops.

PETS: Small, furry creatures that follow kids home so mom will have something else to care for.

PURSE: A bag mom carries that doubles as a diaper bag when children are small.

QUIET: A state of house-hold peace that occurs only before the birth of the first child and again after the last leaves for college.

RAINCOAT: Article of clothing mom bought to keep a child dry and warm, rendered ineffective because it’s in the bottom of a locker.

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner in the kitchen.

SPIT: All-purpose cleaning fluid especially good to use on kids’ faces.

TERRIBLE-TWO’S: Having both kids at home all summer.

TOWELS: Floor coverings.

UMPTEENTH: Highly conservative estimate of the number of times mom must instruct her offspring to do something before it actually gets done.

VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

"WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME": Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.

XOXOXOXOXO: Mom’s salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kids’ lunch box even more mortifying.

"YIPPEE!": What mom would jump up and shout if the school year was changed to twelve months.

ZILLION: Amount of times mom has gone to the grocery store this week.
lmao